[ This, comparatively, is nowhere near the stress of saving the world by fighting a borderline-immortal, insane ancestor of Noctis'. This sort of political nonsense is the sort that he's well-equipped to handle, even if generally his studies hadn't ever been about how to handle it when the entirely of the public eye is on him for disrupting a political marriage so completely. ]
Noct--
[ No. He's the one who left. He needs to handle this...delicately, to say the least. Ignis' fingers slide up, tracing his collarbone lightly. ]
Believe me when I say there's no other place in the world that I would rather be than by your side, no matter how difficult the situation may get.
[ Noctis licks his lips, consciously trying to get the grease off them before he gently snags his hand, drawing it up to press a thoughtful kiss to his knuckles. He doesn't comment on it, not really, and he knows this is something they have to work on together. Despite the chaos all around them they still have issues of their own to mend. ]
I love you.
[ He says instead, because it's more true than anything else, and it will never change. It'll just take longer before Noctis can trust that he will stay for this. ] Think we should just wrap up the wings for tomorrow?
[ It's a sweet but unnecessary gesture. He's been covered in all kinds of bodily fluids thanks to Noctis, some concerning, some just what happens in private. Either way, grease is the least of his worries. ]
Darling.
[ Ignis presses a kiss to Noctis' hair, squeezing him to his side in a tight hug and then releases. He's content with two slices of pizza, though he knows if pressed he could pack in at least another two, unnecessary as it is. ]
I can pack them away, yes. You'll have to let me go, though.
[ He gives him a crooked grin. Somehow it feels weird to make Ignis do all the cleaning up when they're just starting out this relationship again. He's not his housekeeper or minder, not anymore, and it occurs to him that they've never actually had a discussion on this before.
Reluctantly extricating himself from him with a groan, Noctis offers him another slice. ] You know, we are going to have to talk about -- I don't know. Roles, this time.
[ He's never been worried about being the one to clean up after Noctis; he's never minded it, not when it's for him. Still, at the mention of a talk regarding roles, he cocks an eyebrow and declines the extra slice. ]
Roles? I assume you don't mean in the bedroom.
[ Ignis changes his mind a moment later and steals a bite of Noctis' pizza and then settles in next to him, shamelessly sliding a leg over Noctis' to tangle their feet together letting his cheek rest on a shoulder. ]
[ Roles in the bedroom? Noctis generally likes going with the flow, and do people usually have things like roles? Despite the fact that he and Ignis used to have a very, very healthy sex life, his experience has, in all areas, only involved Ignis. ] Unless you want to.
[ Do people talk about that? Because Noctis is very comfortable switching either way. But anyway. Yes. He snuggles up against him readily, sliding an arm around him to pull him close. Their legs tangled together, he can't help a surge of warmth. ]
No, but I mean. You don't have to clean up after me. Or everything you were doing before as retainer. If you want.
[ Oh. Well, thatβs not quite what he expected but he isnβt bothered by the idea of discussing it. It isnβt as if he minds doing these kinds of things. They have a whole slew of house keepers and maids of course and Ignis doesnβt hesitate to use them where and when applicable but so much of the time itβs just simpler and easier to do it himself than to wait for someone else to do it. ]
You do realize that any possible irritation I may have felt over cleaning up after you stemmed from the fact that I wanted you to care enough about yourself to care about your surroundings? Iβve never minded and I would never ask someone to do something Iβm unwilling to do.
[ Noctis is quite fond of exploring things, doing things, and saying it reminds him that they've never actually done anything more than heavy makeouts -- the whirlwind of the divorce and all it entails had nipped the whole sex thing in the bud, and even then, it hadn't seemed really appropriate. Which means it has been one hell of a long, long while.
Still. There's something a little more important to focus on. And that is the fact that Ignis' love for cleaning up and his nagging actually -- is a part of him, and not of his job. And the look of realization on his face gives that away so remarkably easily. ]
Huh. [ He says at length, wry amusement seeping in. ] So you mothering me has very little to do with your job, and everything to do with you being wholly you.
[ Oh, he can definitely live with that. He's chewing on his pizza, then offering the last of it to Ignis before eyeing the next one. Can he finish them all with Ignis this evening? Maybe. They could be full and content and worry about the grease content later. ]
[ The same occurs to him; if he hasn't actively been sharing Octavia's bed, then was he seeing other people, or has it been a long dry spell, save for the fling with the man who markedly resembled him? That's a ... strange thing to consider. He's not what he'd consider possessive but the idea of Noctis seeking out someone who looked like him is- well. He's not certain what it is. In any other circumstance it might be flattering. Mostly, it's worrying. Did that person treat him well? He's not sure if it's too much to ask, if that's too much detail. ]
It has everything to do with me caring about your mental and physical well-being and being concerned for you when certain indications seem to imply that maybe, something is ... off.
[ He takes the crust and steals one of the little packets of parmesan cheese, tearing it open and puts the crust in there. When it comes out, it's positively covered, and that's what he eats. ]
[ Noctis stares at the parmesan-covered crust, relatively aghast because this is Ignis, and the man has always had a healthy regime going on. ]
Are you going wild on me, Iggy?
[ But he has to admit that he's impressed. All the same, Noctis doesn't talk about all that's happened before because it's not worth remembering; he thinks back on it with a profound sense of guilt. He had been nice, that young man -- but he's not Ignis. Nobody can ever take his place, really. That Ignis has cared for him like this just about all his life makes him feel warm, draws out an incredible tenderness in him.
He's quiet for a moment, then: ] Let me care for you, too. It's high time, right?
[ Ignis gives him a look in return and polishes off the rest of that piece with a deliberate little bite. ]
Perhaps. It remains to be seen.
[ That said, it's all he can probably eat right now - or all he should probably eat, so he'll leave the attempt at killing the rest of that pizza for Noctis and instead settles for curling back in against him, wiping his hands off on a napkin. He wants to get up and wash his hands, but that'd require moving and he's not exactly keen on leaving when he's comfortable, and Noctis is relaxed. ]
Noctis.
[ His full name, but Ignis' tone is gentle. ]
Trust me when I say that there has never been a time where I thought you did not care for me.
[ Noctis is smirking -- he does like when Ignis loosens the reins a little, even if it's just for pizza. Just wipe your hands off on your pants, Iggy. They're going to go get a shower, anyway. Noctis is entirely comfortable, draping his arm around him and pressing a kiss to the side of his head.
But his smirk softens at his gentleness, and he's curling a finger under Ignis' chin to guide him towards his mouth. He leans in to kiss him, soft and gentle and lingering. Eyes lidding, he doesn't pull far away. ]
Mmn, perhaps later, if you ask particularly nicely.
[ He is not going to wipe his hands on his pants you uncultured heathen. Napkins will do well enough until he gets up to wash his hands, but from the way Noctis is reaching out to him, warm fingers dipping under his chin, that's going to be later.
Right now, he's tilting his head down a touch, shifting to accept the kiss and press a lingering one in return when Noctis asks that. Part of him wonders if it's just to hear it - surely, Noctis doesn't think that there was ever a point in time where Ignis didn't care? The problem wasn't ever a lack of caring. ]
I will tell you as many times as you need to hear it, but I never, ever stopped caring for you, Noct. The problem was I cared too much.
[ Ah, well, that's really nice to hear -- but Noctis hasn't been thinking about himself; it's passed, it's done. He just wants to know about Ignis, if he'd ever stopped believing that Noctis truly, and so very deeply loves him. What happened before had been heartbreaking, and Noctis still wakes and for a few moments had been terrified that Ignis has slipped from him again (Noctis doesn't have that long a list of loved ones that the absence of one isn't a personal blow), but he can never admit that to anyone else. ]
That's really sweet. [ Really, it is. But Noctis definitely doesn't want him to think that he ought to make up for anything -- he's only curious. ] But I meant you. If you thought I stopped caring about you.
[ Guess what this uncultured heathen is doing? Yes, he's wiping his hands off on his very expensive bespoke pants. ]
[ Of course they're having a deep heart to heart moment on the couch and Noctis would ruin it by wiping his greasy hands all over his pants. He has to wash them anyway, but it's the principle of the matter, thank you. Then, Noctis clarifies what he means and Ignis' expression goes that careful, political blank as he tries to consider his words. Gently, he removes those hands and presses kisses to his knuckles instead. ]
I never doubted that you loved me. My...fear, I suppose, was that we both loved to excess. What was the point of everything we sacrificed to get here, if we were going to risk throwing it all away for ourselves? Everything we've done, we've done for the betterment of the country, her people.
[ It was only a matter of time before something gave; Ignis figured it was best that it was him, rather than Noctis or worse, Octavia. ]
[ Iggy, the principle of the matter is: it's going to get washed, therefore it's okay to be gross.
Noctis is studying him, observing how that expression turns into something so carefully neutral, revealing nothing. It's a talent he has, Noctis thinks. If Noctis is the more emotional one out of the both of them, then Ignis is the one more suited for the endless political came. How he can shut himself off like this is a trait Noctis never truly understands. Letting his hands be moved, he's careful not to get it on Ignis, instead keeping an arm around his waist as he listens carefully.
They both love to excess, this much is true, and Ignis, as always, has never failed to keep an eye on the future of the crown. Ignis' lips across his knuckles is a charming thing, and his fingers curl over Ignis' own. ]
You've given up so much, too. [ He pauses. ] But I want you to promise me something.
[ It'd taken him years to perfect it, but it's been endlessly useful since doing so. How many times has he been in meetings with pompous political idiots who thought they wielded more power than they actually did? How many times did someone try to exert some measure of power over Noctis by way of Ignis, and he had to hold back his anger at the idea of it -- that they would even try.
These days, it's more frequently used when he's trying to make certain that his expression doesn't give away the knee-jerk reaction before he has enough time to consider his words, or what he actually feels. ]
I'm not certain I can until you tell me what it is.
[ And this is why Noctis needs him, why Ignis serves as the hand of the king, irreplaceable and above all others. Noctis might have experience in keeping his expression neutral, but it's more out of a general sense of ennui than anything else -- he does tend towards emotion when it happens. The young king might be able to see through bullshit and size people up accurately, but the person with the acumen and savvy to maneuver tricky political waters is Ignis, without question. He maneuvers easily through the multiple agendas like a man who steps in between raindrops. It's a remarkable talent.
Noctis? Noctis just keeps them all in line.
He is silent for a moment, considering his words with care. ]
If we are to do this, I want us to do this properly. It means -- working with me to find a solution. Not you deciding to go off by yourself because you thought it would be better on me and Octavia.
[ Don't think he didn't know why you left. Don't think he didn't know exactly how you think, Ignis. Ignis loves too much, too deeply, and Noctis wants more than anything to protect him, to give him what's due. ]
[ The best and worst part about knowing Noctis sometimes, is understanding what he means when he says something, and knowing that it comes from a good place, despite the way it makes his stomach twist. Do it properly he says. Work with me to find a solution.
Logically, Ignis knows that he doesn't mean anything by it, but what were the last few months of their lives before Ignis decided that it was leave, because there was no other option? Noctis wasn't about to stop becoming king, and they were too new, too unstable to try and force their way into a deal that they couldn't back up with no military, nothing but a head of state back from the dead and the remains of a former political institution still trying to scramble themselves back together again and take care of their people.
Still, it stings in a way he wasn't expecting and gently, he removes his hands from where Noctis has held them, folding his napkin once, twice, before he catches himself and just holds it. ]
I attempted to find a solution with you, but the only ones available to us were continuing to lead an affair in the dark and risk Octavia deciding -- well within her rights, mind -- that enough was enough. Or, we could simply start a divorce there - before any of our projects were completed, before we had the help we needed to keep moving forward, before we had solidified ourselves as a power worth trusting, not just a haphazardly arranged political branch from a city. The only other option was to stop and I tried--
[ It's easier, to keep his emotions in check when it's just him, or politicians. With Noctis, it's harder and it shows, Ignis clenching at the napkin, jaw clenched tight a moment before he forcefully releases. ]
The only other option was stopping, and I wasn't strong enough to stop wanting you if I were here. There was no other option.
[ Noctis says quietly as he releases him. He's right, of course -- how often had he laid awake at night, running through a whole host of options? It is inevitable that he would hurt one or the other or continue with both. But that Ignis is the one who took it all upon himself is still something that stings. Logically, rationally, it was the best option; it mitigates a whole world of losses, but irrationally, emotionally, it's something Noctis struggles to accept.
He watches him extricate himself, how the napkin endures all of that before Ignis realises what he's doing. With him, he thinks, Ignis has less control over his own emotions, and he studies the set of his jaw. There's something deeper that they're not touching on, something that Noctis has always wanted -- but perhaps it's not up for him to have. The country comes first, not their hearts, and not for the first time he feels something ache deep inside. They don't have the luxury to be selfish, and Noctis will never have the right to choose anyone -- or demand the right to choose anyone -- above the crown, their country, the ones who have sacrificed themselves for the country's sake. ]
You did the best you could before. But -- moving forward. We're going to have challenges like these one way or another. I want you by my side. And maybe -- in a much more official capacity. Can you accept that?
[ The longer silence is not the most comforting and then when he continues, well. Ignis doesn't respond right away. Noctis has always asked more of him than anyone else - not intentionally, not because he wanted to, but Noctis' requests are always, always the ones that Ignis will bend over backwards for, outside the initial one by Regis to take care of his son.
He's not sure what this sounds more like - a marriage proposal, or an ask to never leave again, but either way, it doesn't matter right now. Marriage is so far outside the realm of possibility, despite the fact that once, Ignis had a ring in a box and a thousand words threatening to spill out of his mouth at any point in time before it all went to hell. If it's to ask him to never leave again, well, they've touched on this, and Ignis has essentially promised, but --
Rather than making assumptions, he should clarify. Getting emotional helps no one. ]
Perhaps you should specify what, exactly, you mean by that. What other sort of official capacity is there?
Noctis likes to think that it was plenty obvious -- although frankly it probably is obvious only to him. He frowns, the tips of his ears pink as he decides that this is too awkward to say. So okay, maybe it's not obvious when Noctis himself is hedging on this. Eventually, in the years to come, they are going to consider more concrete steps to this thing that they have together, this relationship. Having a king for a boyfriend is only a novelty for a short time before the issue of titles come up. It's not so much a solid marriage proposal right now as something of a declaration of interest. Hell, Ignis is even wearing the ring on his neck.
Well, better to ask now than to be disappointed, right? ]
If you like, then sometime in the future -- King Consort. [ He scratches at the back of his head. Shit, he'll need to wash his hair later. Ugh. ] That kind of official. I don't mean now, just. Before things go further, you have to know that that's where it's going. Eventually.
Oh. Ignis' eyes go wide, the only indication of shock but it's a clear enough one. He'd thought-- well, it didn't matter what he thought. The ring around his neck is warm with bodyheat, but suddenly it feels as if it weighs a hundred pounds, as if it's got the potential to be a noose. Just enough rope to hang himself and the king with, which is never a position he wanted to find himself in.
It's true that he'll need to sort out what exactly they are soon, but asking the day that everything was announced-? It's a logical progression, given the fact that Ignis knows there's no one else for him and it's even more logical knowing that the feeling is returned, after all these years, but -- ]
I...had assumed that would be a logical progression based on everything but it's not something that we can hope for any time soon. You understand that, yes? There are countless aspects to discuss, and the Council will have to be brought in for much of it. It's nowhere near as simple as things were. There's a timeline built into this, whether or not we like how long it may be.
[ Noctis might be reckless sometimes, but he likes to think that he's got a sense of self-preservation, mostly. The wounds from this haven't yet healed, and he's in no hurry to rush the process. It will take years, and he's prepared for it; he doesn't want to mess this up any more than Ignis does, and he'd meant it when he said he wanted it done properly. He takes a step forward, sighing impatiently. ]
I know what we have to do where the Council's concerned. Bring them all in for all I care, let them run through this however they want for however long they want. But you need to know something: this is it, for me. You're it. It doesn't matter how long it takes, as long as you're willing to go through this with me.
[ Because if Ignis isn't, then he might as well bow out now. Noctis has his heart set on him, and as far as he's concerned, the whole getting married thing is just another technicality, more for the benefit of the people than themselves. That one can wait. ] But if you're not sure if this is what you want, then now's the best time to speak before I put hopes on anything.
[ He takes a breath. Sighs. ] I fucked it up once, Iggy. I don't want to do it again. Not with you.
[ Any other time, he might tell him to wait. That he can't possibly know what he's going to want one, ten, fifteen years from now. Will eighty year old Ignis want the same things as he does now? He can't imagine that he will, given how much his tastes have changed over the years. There's no way of ever knowing exactly where he's going to end up or where Noctis will, but that's life.
Despite all of that, though, it isn't as if it truly matters. The world could be ending and his answer will always be the same. He may like different foods or different clothing, or a thousand other things that will change over the years, but one thing is constant and that's Noctis. ]
I was yours the moment I saw you in the throne room, Noct. I've been yours since before I could remember what it even meant to belong to someone like that.
[ He doesn't need to bring out the ring, but his fingers touch against it under his shirt like it's a worrystone, swallowing hard, his throat bobbing. ]
I love you a frankly terrifying amount, Noct. That's not liable to change ever, nor are the lengths I'm willing to go for it, for better or worse.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Noct--
[ No. He's the one who left. He needs to handle this...delicately, to say the least. Ignis' fingers slide up, tracing his collarbone lightly. ]
Believe me when I say there's no other place in the world that I would rather be than by your side, no matter how difficult the situation may get.
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I love you.
[ He says instead, because it's more true than anything else, and it will never change. It'll just take longer before Noctis can trust that he will stay for this. ] Think we should just wrap up the wings for tomorrow?
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Darling.
[ Ignis presses a kiss to Noctis' hair, squeezing him to his side in a tight hug and then releases. He's content with two slices of pizza, though he knows if pressed he could pack in at least another two, unnecessary as it is. ]
I can pack them away, yes. You'll have to let me go, though.
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[ He gives him a crooked grin. Somehow it feels weird to make Ignis do all the cleaning up when they're just starting out this relationship again. He's not his housekeeper or minder, not anymore, and it occurs to him that they've never actually had a discussion on this before.
Reluctantly extricating himself from him with a groan, Noctis offers him another slice. ] You know, we are going to have to talk about -- I don't know. Roles, this time.
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Roles? I assume you don't mean in the bedroom.
[ Ignis changes his mind a moment later and steals a bite of Noctis' pizza and then settles in next to him, shamelessly sliding a leg over Noctis' to tangle their feet together letting his cheek rest on a shoulder. ]
How do you mean?
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[ Roles in the bedroom? Noctis generally likes going with the flow, and do people usually have things like roles? Despite the fact that he and Ignis used to have a very, very healthy sex life, his experience has, in all areas, only involved Ignis. ] Unless you want to.
[ Do people talk about that? Because Noctis is very comfortable switching either way. But anyway. Yes. He snuggles up against him readily, sliding an arm around him to pull him close. Their legs tangled together, he can't help a surge of warmth. ]
No, but I mean. You don't have to clean up after me. Or everything you were doing before as retainer. If you want.
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[ Oh. Well, thatβs not quite what he expected but he isnβt bothered by the idea of discussing it. It isnβt as if he minds doing these kinds of things. They have a whole slew of house keepers and maids of course and Ignis doesnβt hesitate to use them where and when applicable but so much of the time itβs just simpler and easier to do it himself than to wait for someone else to do it. ]
You do realize that any possible irritation I may have felt over cleaning up after you stemmed from the fact that I wanted you to care enough about yourself to care about your surroundings? Iβve never minded and I would never ask someone to do something Iβm unwilling to do.
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Still. There's something a little more important to focus on. And that is the fact that Ignis' love for cleaning up and his nagging actually -- is a part of him, and not of his job. And the look of realization on his face gives that away so remarkably easily. ]
Huh. [ He says at length, wry amusement seeping in. ] So you mothering me has very little to do with your job, and everything to do with you being wholly you.
[ Oh, he can definitely live with that. He's chewing on his pizza, then offering the last of it to Ignis before eyeing the next one. Can he finish them all with Ignis this evening? Maybe. They could be full and content and worry about the grease content later. ]
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It has everything to do with me caring about your mental and physical well-being and being concerned for you when certain indications seem to imply that maybe, something is ... off.
[ He takes the crust and steals one of the little packets of parmesan cheese, tearing it open and puts the crust in there. When it comes out, it's positively covered, and that's what he eats. ]
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Are you going wild on me, Iggy?
[ But he has to admit that he's impressed. All the same, Noctis doesn't talk about all that's happened before because it's not worth remembering; he thinks back on it with a profound sense of guilt. He had been nice, that young man -- but he's not Ignis. Nobody can ever take his place, really. That Ignis has cared for him like this just about all his life makes him feel warm, draws out an incredible tenderness in him.
He's quiet for a moment, then: ] Let me care for you, too. It's high time, right?
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Perhaps. It remains to be seen.
[ That said, it's all he can probably eat right now - or all he should probably eat, so he'll leave the attempt at killing the rest of that pizza for Noctis and instead settles for curling back in against him, wiping his hands off on a napkin. He wants to get up and wash his hands, but that'd require moving and he's not exactly keen on leaving when he's comfortable, and Noctis is relaxed. ]
Noctis.
[ His full name, but Ignis' tone is gentle. ]
Trust me when I say that there has never been a time where I thought you did not care for me.
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[ Noctis is smirking -- he does like when Ignis loosens the reins a little, even if it's just for pizza. Just wipe your hands off on your pants, Iggy. They're going to go get a shower, anyway. Noctis is entirely comfortable, draping his arm around him and pressing a kiss to the side of his head.
But his smirk softens at his gentleness, and he's curling a finger under Ignis' chin to guide him towards his mouth. He leans in to kiss him, soft and gentle and lingering. Eyes lidding, he doesn't pull far away. ]
Even when you were away?
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[ He is not going to wipe his hands on his pants you uncultured heathen. Napkins will do well enough until he gets up to wash his hands, but from the way Noctis is reaching out to him, warm fingers dipping under his chin, that's going to be later.
Right now, he's tilting his head down a touch, shifting to accept the kiss and press a lingering one in return when Noctis asks that. Part of him wonders if it's just to hear it - surely, Noctis doesn't think that there was ever a point in time where Ignis didn't care? The problem wasn't ever a lack of caring. ]
I will tell you as many times as you need to hear it, but I never, ever stopped caring for you, Noct. The problem was I cared too much.
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That's really sweet. [ Really, it is. But Noctis definitely doesn't want him to think that he ought to make up for anything -- he's only curious. ] But I meant you. If you thought I stopped caring about you.
[ Guess what this uncultured heathen is doing? Yes, he's wiping his hands off on his very expensive bespoke pants. ]
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I never doubted that you loved me. My...fear, I suppose, was that we both loved to excess. What was the point of everything we sacrificed to get here, if we were going to risk throwing it all away for ourselves? Everything we've done, we've done for the betterment of the country, her people.
[ It was only a matter of time before something gave; Ignis figured it was best that it was him, rather than Noctis or worse, Octavia. ]
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Noctis is studying him, observing how that expression turns into something so carefully neutral, revealing nothing. It's a talent he has, Noctis thinks. If Noctis is the more emotional one out of the both of them, then Ignis is the one more suited for the endless political came. How he can shut himself off like this is a trait Noctis never truly understands. Letting his hands be moved, he's careful not to get it on Ignis, instead keeping an arm around his waist as he listens carefully.
They both love to excess, this much is true, and Ignis, as always, has never failed to keep an eye on the future of the crown. Ignis' lips across his knuckles is a charming thing, and his fingers curl over Ignis' own. ]
You've given up so much, too. [ He pauses. ] But I want you to promise me something.
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These days, it's more frequently used when he's trying to make certain that his expression doesn't give away the knee-jerk reaction before he has enough time to consider his words, or what he actually feels. ]
I'm not certain I can until you tell me what it is.
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Noctis? Noctis just keeps them all in line.
He is silent for a moment, considering his words with care. ]
If we are to do this, I want us to do this properly. It means -- working with me to find a solution. Not you deciding to go off by yourself because you thought it would be better on me and Octavia.
[ Don't think he didn't know why you left. Don't think he didn't know exactly how you think, Ignis. Ignis loves too much, too deeply, and Noctis wants more than anything to protect him, to give him what's due. ]
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Logically, Ignis knows that he doesn't mean anything by it, but what were the last few months of their lives before Ignis decided that it was leave, because there was no other option? Noctis wasn't about to stop becoming king, and they were too new, too unstable to try and force their way into a deal that they couldn't back up with no military, nothing but a head of state back from the dead and the remains of a former political institution still trying to scramble themselves back together again and take care of their people.
Still, it stings in a way he wasn't expecting and gently, he removes his hands from where Noctis has held them, folding his napkin once, twice, before he catches himself and just holds it. ]
I attempted to find a solution with you, but the only ones available to us were continuing to lead an affair in the dark and risk Octavia deciding -- well within her rights, mind -- that enough was enough. Or, we could simply start a divorce there - before any of our projects were completed, before we had the help we needed to keep moving forward, before we had solidified ourselves as a power worth trusting, not just a haphazardly arranged political branch from a city. The only other option was to stop and I tried--
[ It's easier, to keep his emotions in check when it's just him, or politicians. With Noctis, it's harder and it shows, Ignis clenching at the napkin, jaw clenched tight a moment before he forcefully releases. ]
The only other option was stopping, and I wasn't strong enough to stop wanting you if I were here. There was no other option.
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[ Noctis says quietly as he releases him. He's right, of course -- how often had he laid awake at night, running through a whole host of options? It is inevitable that he would hurt one or the other or continue with both. But that Ignis is the one who took it all upon himself is still something that stings. Logically, rationally, it was the best option; it mitigates a whole world of losses, but irrationally, emotionally, it's something Noctis struggles to accept.
He watches him extricate himself, how the napkin endures all of that before Ignis realises what he's doing. With him, he thinks, Ignis has less control over his own emotions, and he studies the set of his jaw. There's something deeper that they're not touching on, something that Noctis has always wanted -- but perhaps it's not up for him to have. The country comes first, not their hearts, and not for the first time he feels something ache deep inside. They don't have the luxury to be selfish, and Noctis will never have the right to choose anyone -- or demand the right to choose anyone -- above the crown, their country, the ones who have sacrificed themselves for the country's sake. ]
You did the best you could before. But -- moving forward. We're going to have challenges like these one way or another. I want you by my side. And maybe -- in a much more official capacity. Can you accept that?
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He's not sure what this sounds more like - a marriage proposal, or an ask to never leave again, but either way, it doesn't matter right now. Marriage is so far outside the realm of possibility, despite the fact that once, Ignis had a ring in a box and a thousand words threatening to spill out of his mouth at any point in time before it all went to hell. If it's to ask him to never leave again, well, they've touched on this, and Ignis has essentially promised, but --
Rather than making assumptions, he should clarify. Getting emotional helps no one. ]
Perhaps you should specify what, exactly, you mean by that. What other sort of official capacity is there?
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Noctis likes to think that it was plenty obvious -- although frankly it probably is obvious only to him. He frowns, the tips of his ears pink as he decides that this is too awkward to say. So okay, maybe it's not obvious when Noctis himself is hedging on this. Eventually, in the years to come, they are going to consider more concrete steps to this thing that they have together, this relationship. Having a king for a boyfriend is only a novelty for a short time before the issue of titles come up. It's not so much a solid marriage proposal right now as something of a declaration of interest. Hell, Ignis is even wearing the ring on his neck.
Well, better to ask now than to be disappointed, right? ]
If you like, then sometime in the future -- King Consort. [ He scratches at the back of his head. Shit, he'll need to wash his hair later. Ugh. ] That kind of official. I don't mean now, just. Before things go further, you have to know that that's where it's going. Eventually.
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Oh. Ignis' eyes go wide, the only indication of shock but it's a clear enough one. He'd thought-- well, it didn't matter what he thought. The ring around his neck is warm with bodyheat, but suddenly it feels as if it weighs a hundred pounds, as if it's got the potential to be a noose. Just enough rope to hang himself and the king with, which is never a position he wanted to find himself in.
It's true that he'll need to sort out what exactly they are soon, but asking the day that everything was announced-? It's a logical progression, given the fact that Ignis knows there's no one else for him and it's even more logical knowing that the feeling is returned, after all these years, but -- ]
I...had assumed that would be a logical progression based on everything but it's not something that we can hope for any time soon. You understand that, yes? There are countless aspects to discuss, and the Council will have to be brought in for much of it. It's nowhere near as simple as things were. There's a timeline built into this, whether or not we like how long it may be.
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[ Noctis might be reckless sometimes, but he likes to think that he's got a sense of self-preservation, mostly. The wounds from this haven't yet healed, and he's in no hurry to rush the process. It will take years, and he's prepared for it; he doesn't want to mess this up any more than Ignis does, and he'd meant it when he said he wanted it done properly. He takes a step forward, sighing impatiently. ]
I know what we have to do where the Council's concerned. Bring them all in for all I care, let them run through this however they want for however long they want. But you need to know something: this is it, for me. You're it. It doesn't matter how long it takes, as long as you're willing to go through this with me.
[ Because if Ignis isn't, then he might as well bow out now. Noctis has his heart set on him, and as far as he's concerned, the whole getting married thing is just another technicality, more for the benefit of the people than themselves. That one can wait. ] But if you're not sure if this is what you want, then now's the best time to speak before I put hopes on anything.
[ He takes a breath. Sighs. ] I fucked it up once, Iggy. I don't want to do it again. Not with you.
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Despite all of that, though, it isn't as if it truly matters. The world could be ending and his answer will always be the same. He may like different foods or different clothing, or a thousand other things that will change over the years, but one thing is constant and that's Noctis. ]
I was yours the moment I saw you in the throne room, Noct. I've been yours since before I could remember what it even meant to belong to someone like that.
[ He doesn't need to bring out the ring, but his fingers touch against it under his shirt like it's a worrystone, swallowing hard, his throat bobbing. ]
I love you a frankly terrifying amount, Noct. That's not liable to change ever, nor are the lengths I'm willing to go for it, for better or worse.
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