nascere | LET'S PLAY {open post}

[ He takes the dossier carefully, wine glass settled onto the tiny decorative end table. It's thick - proof of all that they've accomplished in such a small time, especially while raising a child. An awful little voice points out that it's all they've accomplished while he was gone, but he shoves that down. It's proof he had set up everything adequately, not proof that they didn't need him.

Idly, he opens the first few pages and nods; it's all what he expected, she's nothing if not thorough and he's familiar with their work. ] One of the villas?

[ That makes him pause and weigh his words. He isn't certain if she means for the projects she's managing as a workspace, or if she means to move there, and worse: he's not sure how much truth he's able to dispense here without overstepping his boundaries. ]

Forgive me if this is -- overstepping, but if you do not intend to return home, I do think you would be more than welcome to stay in the Citadel. [ And here he pauses again - not uncomfortable, but choosing his words very, very carefully. ] Regis was often...distant from his son. He was there when he could be but it wasn't often and while Noctis is and has always been, terribly strong, it does...have an effect. I will support both of you in whatever you choose, but my official recommendation as Chamberlain and adviser would be that you take one of the living quarters in the Citadel, as well as one of the studies. It isn't as if we're lacking. My...recommendation as someone in this, ah, situation, is that you take care of yourself however you see fit and know that I will do everything in my power to ensure it's a comfortable transition. I know too well the ache of living in close contact while wanting.

[ Ignis is still needed, more than anything else -- especially if everything that's occurred in this year is anything to go by. Octavia is profoundly aware of how crucial he is, to Noctis, the Citadel, and Lucis. It's not often you see a man like him, who would give up what he loves for the sake of the greater good.

But his king, too stubborn to let him go -- single-mindedly seeking him in others -- given over to no one except this one before him. ]

He has you. I'm sure he'll be fine. [ She smiles briefly, even if it doesn't quite touch her eyes. The queen is not the one Noctis seeks to have by his side, they both know this. ] You may send my things to the villa within a week; I understand there's quite a lovely one half an hour away.

[ It feels like a failing, somehow. In some ways, this is the only solution that makes sense - an unhappy marriage, a situation that's become untenable, but in so many others Ignis is frustrated with Noctis for putting them here. He's done so much to further the goals they've set in place but here is where he stumbles. Here is where he has drawn the line. Ignis isn't sure if it'd do more harm than good to point this out to Noctis, but that would also require Noctis to even ... talk to him.

Gently, he stacks all of the paperwork together and then settles it off to the side so he can come to her, kneeling. His head bows, body inclining just briefly and then he looks up at her a moment later, not bothering to hide the regret in his tone; she's owed that much, at least. ]

Believe me when I say we are quite lucky to have you here. Both for the kingdom and Noctis.

[ Here is where he definitely draws the line. Here is where Noctis fails; he might be king, but he is still just a man, snared by emotions and in too deep to understand just how to let go. And so he serves, and he ends up hurting others along the way. Collateral, never malicious intent -- but intent never much matters in situations like these.

They are not gods, these kings. They're flawed, and Noctis would rather put his feet to the fire than walk away. Octavia looks down at him for a long moment, before she places a hand on his shoulder. The coming days, weeks will be difficult, but she is tired of being caught at a standstill; she is made for more, and she cannot spend her life in a marriage without love. ]

Please, rise. I'm afraid the task of caring for him is returned to you.

[ Ignis exhales slowly, rising up, looking down at her. She's too good for any of them, truthfully. She deserves better than this mess and at least with this, perhaps she'll get it. Any one would be lucky to have her eye.

The paperwork is gathered up once more, tucked neatly against his chest like it's something precious - in a lot of ways, it is. He isn't certain in this moment if thanking her is something that will come across how he wants it to ( thank you for letting us try again, thank you for understanding, thank you for not hating him ) so instead, he inclines his head one more time. ]

I hope you'll reach out to me if you need anything in the coming weeks. I'll deliver the paperwork to all of the appropriate parties in the morning.

I will, if necessary.

[ She gets to her feet, and the message is clear: their little session is over. She doesn't miss how he holds the documents against his chest like they're precious, like they mean the world to him, and this time her smile is more genuine, even if a touch of sadness lingers. The man must have endured so much, himself. The year away from Noctis must not be easy -- much less the knowledge that they have had a child in his absence. ]

I don't think he ever stopped thinking about you. [ She murmurs. ] And I'm sure you two will have a lot to talk about. He should have a slot freed up tomorrow morning at breakfast -- you may send him my apologies.

[ A better woman than any of them deserve.

Ignis doesn't flinch, but it's a close thing. The mention of Noctis is still tender, the wound reopened after seeing that paperwork, after being presented with the potential to make up for lost time. He'd be a fool not to pursue this after how much they'd fought to get here, after how miserable they've both been but at the same time, he's not sure that it can even work with how things are.

The first step is to make certain that Noctis is made aware of what's happened and what it means going forward. The next is making certain that everything is taken care of with regards to the country. Anything personal will fall into place afterward. Ignis nods one more time and bids her a good night.

He's going to be groggy come morning, but he has to read everything as soon as he gets back to his room. It takes hours, going over every single sheet, making certain that there is nothing he's missed. It's all in place, though. She's done a neat job of it, ensuring that every possible thing has been considered, leaving them with nothing to worry about. He spends another hour sending emails, coordinating housing and moving expenses into the budget and ensuring that these things are taken care of when she wants.

Then, finally, he sleeps. When he wakes in the morning an hour before breakfast, he finishes sending all of the paperwork off and resigns himself to the endless parade of meetings he'll hold on her behalf; he can spare her this, at the very least. A shower makes him feel more human, a few cans of Ebony has him mildly more awake. He doesn't bother styling his hair up; he has practice with Gladiolus after lunch, there's no point when sweat will just make a mess of it. Two checks in the mirror before he leaves and another check in the mirrored walls of the elevator because he's nervous as shit and doesn't want to admit it and then the elevator dings.

Breakfast takes care of itself, thankfully - all he had to do was let them know that there were two people and not to be disturbed and it's all laid out in advance. Ignis slips into the room and settles a small stack of paperwork at Noctis' spot at the table and then takes one across from him, pouring himself a fresh cup while he waits. ]

[ Noctis is forced to be a morning person by necessity, which is another thing that he's settling into. The breakfast settled at the dining table is meant for Octavia and him both before they started for the day. Fiddling with his cufflinks, he eschews the royal raiment for a fitted suit. Black, sleek, with a skull neatly pinned to his tie. The minutes of meetings had come in early today, and he has half a mind to request for them at the table if Octavia didn't mind, but what makes him stop short when he enters with one of his aides is Ignis himself, sitting there across from him.

Ignis, more handsome than he's ever seen him. More tired, too -- he's pretty sure those are eyebags, and it's a sin for him to look as good as he always does, his hair swept down in a look that sends so many hearts aflutter within the Citadel. Surely he must know the effect he has on anyone with functioning vision. Surely he must know the looks he draws, and how Ignis draws him so helplessly into it.

His heart leaps into his throat, and he swallows. He hasn't been expecting him. He had been planning to figure shit out enough to approach him, to do something about it -- Cor had taken him aside and spoken with him at length about his chamberlain and the state of matters between them, and he knows he can't avoid his own feelings forever. ]

Has something happened? Where's Octavia?

[ The doors open and Ignis straightens from where he'd been bent over the table, looking at the different coffee creamers. It was different being back in the Citadel. Where with Aranea's men he was well taken care of, it was much closer to being constantly on the move and the coffee had been lackluster at best. This is ridiculously good. Nervously - though he'll never call it that, never, Ignis smooths a hand down the front of his shirt and stands at borderline attention, watching Noctis come into the room.

He looks every inch the king Ignis knew he would be. He's gorgeous, the suit fitted, the lines of his shoulders emphasized, the contrast of pale skin and blue eyes against the black of his suit jarring. Ignis has never stopped being in love with him and this is just another reminder. ]

She asked me to speak with you this morning. I thought we could over breakfast, as your schedule is open during this time.

[ You can't run away from this goes unsaid. ]

Ah.

[ Noctis tenses. That she would send him instead of turning up herself is not good news. Tense, and fighting to rein in thoughts that have absolutely nothing to do with breakfast and everything to do with the man before him, he takes a seat. The coffee goes ignored -- that's usually Octavia's thing, anyway, and he pops the tab on the soda that's sitting by his plate. ]

All right. [ Dread coils in the pit of his stomach -- he's in no way prepared for this, for him. To deal with everything that's threatened to rear its head in his proximity. But he can't run from this, not anymore. ] What is it?

[ Gods help him but he really hasn't changed. Ignis eyes the soda a moment, but realizes he doesn't have any ability to have a say in the sort of trash he consumes, does he? Instead, he settles into his seat and nods to the paperwork that is sitting at Noctis' part of the table. ]

There's no...point in mincing words. She's begun filing for divorce. I've already started taking care of the necessary steps to push it through the Council and elsewhere and will be coordinating everything relating to her move and the general status of the household while I'm here.

[ Because, despite the divorce, he's not quite sure if Noctis would have him stay. The option for him to send Ignis away is there, much as he hates it. ]

I won't put words into her mouth, but she spoke to me about it last night. I...wasn't certain if she had ever spoken to you about the idea.

[ While you're here? Does this mean Ignis doesn't plan to stay? There is a lot about this to digest, but Noctis exhales, rubbing at his temple. No, he's not surprised -- they've touched on this before, when Luna was born. And before that, too -- and Noctis had been wracked with guilt, aware of how he had fallen short of her, how he had failed her. He knows this, of course he does. But she had taken it in stride the way she always did, which did nothing to alleviate the fact that he's messed up in so many ways. ]

She... mentioned it. [ Noctis had refused, then -- there was Lucis to think about, there was Luna to think about. He stares at the paperwork and takes it, already sees her signature on the documents. He's silent, looking through the documents. Of course she would talk to Ignis about it -- of course he would come here. He's let her down, and instead of lighting this entire mess on fire she still looks to help, anyway. He's failed her, and it's never been more obvious. What would Ignis think of all this -- is he disappointed in him? He wouldn't be surprised if he was.

This whole thing's a mess, and Noctis is at the centre of it all, always too stubborn and too proud to yield. ] What did you two talk about?

[ Well, it's a relief that the subject, sensitive as it is, was broached and that this wasn't a surprise beyond timing. Small blessings, he supposes. Ignis reaches to a platter of fruit and starts dishing himself up, intent on acting as if this is normal - a normal meeting, between a king and his chamberlain, a normal meeting between two people in political situations, not a meeting between two people who loved each other so fiercely it ruined the marriage of one half of them. ]

I'm glad it isn't a shock.

[ It seems a poor consolation, but he doesn't know what else to say. Idly, he starts cutting up a piece of fruit into careful pieces and weighs his words, not sure how much ought to remain private. ]

About the status of things. About where she intends to see everything go, should you sign the paperwork. She's seen everything through. I will assist her in obtaining a villa nearby so she can maintain a relationship with Luna. She intends to keep working on all of the projects the two of you were occupied with.

[ This is not normal. There is nothing normal about this, with Ignis sitting less than four feet away from him, dining like this happens every day instead of it being the first time they've actually spoken to each other. Granted, the latter half of that is largely on Noctis. He's watching him, still digesting the news and reeling from the truth of it. She had been unhappy, he knows -- Gods know that he's tried but he knows, too, that he hadn't tried hard enough, not when the reason for it is sitting across from him.

Ignis might have left him to learn how to say no to Noctis and to end whatever they had, but Noctis has no such luxury as the one left behind. ]

No, I didn't think she'd do it. [ But she would, he knows. They've been married almost two years, and it's a long time to get to know someone you're married to. ] All right. Does anyone else know yet?

[ Because this is going to be a nightmare. The Council is going to take him to task for it, fearful that the treaty and alliance will fall through. A part of him worries as well, unsure of how to take this. Should he make a bid for her to reconsider? Is this what's happening here? Ignis would have foreseen all the potential problems arising from this divorce, and Noctis looks to him. ] And the alliance?

[ There's no point to wringing his hands, so he doesn't. It's as simple as that. ( Nothing about this is simple. ) This is the closest they've been, the first conversation they've had in ages and it aches, each word that he pushes across the table falling flat, somehow inadequate.

How do you sum up a relationship that's spanned so many years and culminated in nothing but a marriage that you then have to help break up not just in theory but in practice?

So he eats. He reaches for a croissant and gets as far as cutting it in half, buttering and putting jam on one before he catches himself. Realizes. Remembers. It takes every ounce of effort to be nonchalant - to place the pastry down, to move it to the side and pick something else, answering as he moves. ] I've contacted relevant parties; we're going to have a busy few days, but I'll be there to help coordinate everything for you. I didn't want to rearrange your calendar without speaking, however, so I've left that alone.

[ Toasted bread, that's safe. Ignis butters that instead, layering a thin line of jelly over the top. ]

Safe. As I said, she's taken care of everything. The folder is yours to keep; it's a summarized version of what she presented me with last night.

[ Yes, he'd stayed up ridiculous hours to make it for Noctis. No, he'd never admit that. ]

[ A croissant. Of course it is. Noctis' gaze is drawn to it, the memory of a time long ago -- when they'd shared breakfast in bed and Ignis had taken some of his, butter and jam, and Noctis had thought nothing of eating it from his fingers. But it looks like he's not the only one that recalls it -- he watches him put it down, his mouth dry. So he remembers. The croissant sits there now, uneaten, left behind for toast, and it's so absurd he wants to laugh, wants to cut the tension between them any way he can.

He reaches for the croissant because he's not letting that go to waste, and because he damn well wants to. If Ignis is determined not to bring up memories then they might as well not make it weird. He wonders if Ignis does this for Aranea, too -- if they have breakfast in bed together out there. If he's continued with her in that year. Maybe they have -- it's not his place any longer to ask, no matter how he feels about it.

He takes a bite of the croissant and opens the file, determined not to look him in the eye. The summary is impeccably done, succinct and to the point and exactly how Noctis likes it (his aides haven't gotten that down quite yet, but they're making a valiant effort). Ignis doesn't need to tell him how long he'd spent doing it, Noctis already knows. He can read it in the tiredness of his eyes, and the fact that this is probably his second cup of coffee. But what's next, as it dawns on him. What comes after the divorce? ]

No wonder you look like shit. [ And yet, still a stunner, still managing to snare Noctis' full attention. ] Did she tell you why?

[ It sits between them, a landmine in no man's land, except -- except, Ignis forgets that it's Noctis. He reaches across the table as if it's nothing, as if it's not a reminder of the mornings he spent in bed with the other man, lounging, savoring the periods where they were alone and able to be themselves, not what the crown required of them.

Ignis' balance in the conversation is off - he's used to looking for reasons why people do things, what political motivation or benefit they have. He'd done it with Octavia and it wasn't necessary, but with Noctis? He's not sure. It could simply be that he wanted it. It could be utterly absent-minded, that he doesn't remember. It could be something else entirely and Ignis can't focus on that right now. He swallows down any bitterness, any regret and spears a strawberry with his fork. ]

Forgive me if I didn't have time to tend to the circles under my eyes before meeting with you. [ Oh, that's snippier than he means, but the little jab hurts more than he's expecting it to and Ignis swallows down anything else before he sticks both feet in his mouth. Coffee. He'll feel better after coffee. ]

In not so many words. I don't believe you need me to explain the minute details.

I didn't mean it that way.

[ Noctis is careless with words, awkward and clumsy with it -- it hasn't changed very much, especially in Ignis presence. The truth remains is that Ignis had spent a lot of time summarizing it for him, as devoted to his duty as it had been before. But Ignis' words still haunt him, the insinuation that he might leave again. He's taking a bite of the croissant, and consider him a glutton for punishment that he takes this and consumes it anyway, as if he could swallow down all the memories they had together.

He looks down at the ring on his finger, then at the pages of the files. Imagine, months and months ago Noctis had wanted the ring on his finger to be Ignis', that he thought he could never be used to it. Now, soon. Soon, he'll have to remove it, and deal with the fallout of being the first king in the entire line of Lucis Caelums to have a divorce. Then again, there was a psychotic mass murderer rotting on the family tree until a few years ago, so. Perspective. ]

What happens next? [ With this, maybe with them. What do they do now? Has Ignis already learned how to say no to him? It feels foolish to hope, not when he's been hurt before. ]

Edited 2018-01-03 03:37 (UTC)

[ He makes an acknowledging noise, but otherwise leaves this alone. The last thing that Ignis wants is for there to be a fight in the breakfast room; he's supposed to be helping Noctis, not antagonizing him further during a difficult period.

Still, he hadn't expected that this would be so ... much. So much of everything. It hurts, yes, but he'd anticipated that. What he hadn't anticipated was not knowing how to interact with his king, after just a year and some change apart. If he looks back he thinks he can pinpoint things that he should have handled differently but looking into the past never helped anyone. Looking in to the future is where he needs to point his attention, but even that is a stretch to say the least. Everything is up in the air; the most that Ignis can do is try to catch all the pieces before they fall and make certain that he plans for the worst and hopes for the best. ]

Next, I have a slew of meetings with the Council to determine just where we're going to be for the next few months. Once the initial panic dies down, there will be something else for the news cycles to focus on but for a while it will not be....ideal, to say the least. There will be a mess to deal with in the papers and news, but you're aware of how that's handled during newsworthy events. I'll be ensuring that Octavia moves into her new space when she's ready to, and will dedicate a car to her along with a driver so she can travel between the Citadel and her villa when she likes. I've also started duplicate orders of Luna's items to be sent to the villa once it's set up; if you have a list of her favorite toys, let me know and I'll ensure I include those.

Anything and everything that she needs. [ Yes. Yes, that sounds good. Noctis hasn't the faintest idea how to unpick the entire mess -- and not for the first time he's grateful that Ignis is here. When everything is imploding, he's here, helping him to make sense of it all, and suddenly it feels like they've turned back time; Ignis at his side, making it all manageable, taking on all that's overwhelming and doing all that's necessary.

He can already see the potential shitstorm they'll stir up, and it must not be any easier for her as well as he nods. ] Yeah. Just -- give her everything she needs. I'll send you the list of what Luna has. [ They have to make things as easy for the princess as they should; and not for the first time Noctis regrets that it has to come to this. But how else can he manage? He cannot forget Ignis, cannot not love him; it would be easier for all involved if he could simply move on and pretend everything never happened. The public relations team will need to be briefed on this to contain the matter, as well as the press secretary's office.

He sighs, and leans back in his chair. He's missed Ignis. He's missed the fact that he's already putting into effect all that's needed. Still, a question looms on the horizon, a crucial, important one. Where do they go from here? Is now even the time to think about it? It probably isn't, but he thinks about it anyway, still snagged on his earlier comment. ]

How long are you staying?

[ So long as it's all business, Ignis thinks that he can maintain a level of decorum and escape this breakfast unscathed. Now he's the one who's a coward, avoiding conversations that he doesn't want to have by ignoring the real question underneath. He can't even really be disappointed with himself, not when he has so much else going on. This is something to regret at two in the morning when he lies awake, staring at the ceiling, wondering how the hell he's going to go about fixing this. ]

Perfect. I'll ensure that everything is divided accordingly.

[ Blessedly, this divorce promises to be less of a nightmare than others he's witnessed. There's a level of stability that has to be maintained with their positions, which helps, but Ignis was still a little prepared for a potential fight on one side or the other. That Octavia drafted everything in preparation and Noctis is not fighting it is welcome and will make the coming weeks easier. What won't be easy is what comes after today. The Council will likely question Noctis half to death - what caused it, what was the reasoning, why did she initiate it instead of him, but he can't help with that right now. ]

I haven't decided yet. My contract with Aranea is on hold temporarily while I resume duties here. I have two months to decide. [ His nose wrinkles over the rim of the coffee cup he's sipping. ] She intended this to be a vacation of sorts, so I won't be doing two jobs while here.

[ How does he even begin to fight this when Noctis is sure it's his fault in the first place? How does he ask her to stay when he cannot give her what she needs? It will be more of the same, despite best intentions. He can't fix this, he knows it now. He can't fix anything. Ignis' answer makes his blood run cold -- of course he's here at her bidding; of course he would be here because she asks. Ignis is not here for him; he's already moved on. Funny how it still hurts the way it did a year ago.

The jam and butter croissant tastes like ash in his mouth, the words unexpectedly piercing -- another reminder that he probably hadn't meant to come back on his own. Not to this. ] You don't have to do that.

[ Resume duties. Whatever. He's not a charity case and they can do without him. They have to. ] She wanted this to be a vacation for you.

[ The words come out unexpectedly bitter, bile in the back of his throat because maybe here lies the answer to all the questions Noctis hasn't summoned up the courage to ask, for fear they might be more of the same. ] I can have someone else handle this issue.

[ An entire team of someone elses because no one can do what Ignis does, but he's too proud to want to be a burden, to hope for what is forever out of reach. ]

[ Yes, he does. This is his job -- this is what he was made for, this is where he knows how to do everything and to be useful to Noctis. There's no point in pointing that out, with the way things are right now, though, so Ignis makes a soft noise and cups his coffee with both hands, the toast forgotten. ]

Noctis, when have I ever been particularly good at being idle?

[ It's a gentler question - still his full name, careful, but friendlier than their prior conversation til this point. Ignis looks away a moment later, finding the spread on the table to be less difficult to look at. ]

I can handle this. I am handling it. Please don't worry.

I don't want you here if I have to say goodbye to you again.

[ The detente is broken by honesty, by what Noctis carries inside him the moment he's had news of Ignis' return. He doesn't want him here only to have him leave -- Noctis powerless to do anything but watch him go and be left behind. He looks back at him, the friendly words only more cruelty -- he's not ready for this. He can't handle this when everything still hurts like they have before, and he understands now that it's impossible for him to walk away as easily as Ignis very clearly does. Ignis' competence is not the point. It has never been the point.

It sounds childish now, these words -- the truest thing he's ever spoken in weeks, uttered around the lump in his throat. It's anger, it's what festers when left untended. He wipes his mouth with the napkin and sets it aside before rising from his seat, his chest tight. Isn't the first time difficult enough? How is he supposed to do this again? ]

Why did you come back, Ignis?

[ At first, he only hears the first few words with a sort of resignation sliding over him. Of course not. He's not welcome here, he's the interloper, the one who came back only for Noctis' wife to finalize divorce proceedings as if it's some sort of normal. Then, the rest of it and Ignis closes his eyes. The eyes that Noctis had fixed, the eyes that Noctis had looked into when they were lounging in bed in the mornings and complimented so fiercely that Ignis had burned with affection and something like embarrassment at the raw sweetness behind it. Every part of him belongs to Noctis, every inch of his being and he doesn't know how to exist outside of that.

Noctis rises and Ignis watches him, the line of his shoulders, the spread of him, broad and lovely and despite being feet apart, feeling as if he's a thousand miles away. Maybe he can't do this. ]

Would you believe me if I said I wasn't sure.

[ If they're being honest. ]

I missed home. I missed everyone here. I missed my duties. I missed you.

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